Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
