I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
