You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
