we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
