Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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