he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
