have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
