I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
