I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
