She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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