Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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