I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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