just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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