don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
