we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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