At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if only i could text you this smell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
