I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
