Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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