dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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