I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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