so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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