Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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