so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
handjob tips. give me some.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
