they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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