I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
