I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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