YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
