Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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