While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
