Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
