i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
