Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
