Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
