it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
These tits shall not be calmed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
