By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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