I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize