Soap is not a condiment
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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