Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
