i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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