it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone