I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.