she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
