Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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