Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
