I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
