what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
