I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
