I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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