i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
