That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
