Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
