After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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