when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hello my rib-scented angel!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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