Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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