Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
