Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
