I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
