Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
