pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
