the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
