please come you make the beer taste better
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
