great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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