Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
